When I was younger (way before I became a Christian) I had these 2 suitors. One had dyed blue black hair, black eyeliner, wore orange nail polish and dressed all in black, every day. The other, had a fake tan and highlights. This all, way before the new metro man's birth. He also had funny wet lips, that looked like he was wearing lipgloss (a lot of it)
Eeeeewwww..."They" and I just didnt click. Both pursued me at the same time for a few months but eventually gave up, after my many lies and excuses to not go out.
Now, so many years later, again I have 2 suitors. They claim to be in love with me...They are not weird like the previous two from so many years ago, but no...I just cant entertain the idea. They maybe handsome and manly and maybe they are very nice people, but I just cant. I still think of the man who shared my bed and prayers, and was "one" with me.
Maybe a shame to confess that I wonder if he is finally happy to be away from me, and when I hear commercials for Prevacid I wonder about his health. I think of the man I chose to love and to honor, to have and to hold. The one who was "family" with me. I think of his body facing the other way inviting me to wrap my arms around his chubby white belly. He was handsome and the beard people despised, I loved.
I must explain myself. I was raised in an Italian/Jewish family, where "la famiglia" idea was bigger than God. We were raised to FOREVER honor and protect our birth family, and the family we would form some day. My dad and mom instilled on us, this model of family: cook for your husband and kids, inspire and protect them, clean the house and make it beautiful, nurture their dreams and hopes and calm their fears, they are to be your life and you're theirs, sure you go school and pursue a career, but all must be dropped in a second if they need you...
Ridiculous? No, not at all. On the contrary, how beautiful is it! I confess that I love it. I love God and family too. I know I may be a rare bird these days, with my long black hair and my apron on. In a world where style and fun, labels and brands are so important, and everyone must be accomplished assertive, hot and cool, I'm just a housewife minus the wife and with a career.
To my great relief at once and FOREVER the one I love comes to rescue me. Like me He pursued His ministry as a single guy even at 33, no dating, no girlfriend, no spouse. He was/is a groom, but the marriage? Well just not yet. Once asked about His family He answered:
"Behold, my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother." Mark3:35
It fully comforts me. If my Jesus could do all He did as a single man, so can I , and if His joy was in ministry for the Father, well, so can I. How come? Because He is the perfect model.
2 comments:
God is good. He will never leave you or forsake you. When everyone else fails He remains the one to comfort your walk thru the valley. Shalom.
Thank you my friend. It is true He has never left me, from the worst days to the good days, and still, I feel His presence all along.
Julia Marassi
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