The Little Brown Mouse on 84E

I did not know that best friends can die and husbands can take off. I mean I heard cases but now I know. Pastor Ophir asked me if I was angry at God... ...But how could I blame God? If anything I understood Him more.



God and I had something in common. His Son died, the apple of His eye (Israel) left Him, and His Bride (church) can be even colder. God knows loss and rejection, and so do I.



God's comfort is that at least He loves with perfect love. I don't have that comfort. I didnt love my best friend with perfect love, I didnt love my husband with perfect love either. I could say that I did my best, but that would be a semi-lie. I did my best according to the kind of day I had, and to how I felt that day...



I can say that I am just a human. I can also say that my best would be to "be Godly". My Friend calls me to be Godly, myself calls me to be human...It is so confusing...I allowed me to be human and vetoed the Godliness in me.



Now my loss is the devil's gain...and I regret it.



And as I was driving on 84E on my way to work and remiiscing about my best friend and my broken marriage. My heart filled with regrets and my mind deeply confused. It came to me that when we are that weak that confused, only then, perhaps God can work on us.



As I approached exit 8 I saw something tiny and brown crossing the lanes ...my brain immediately pictured a little mouse...Aawww, it wont make it! This little mouse too small to see the traffick and too simple to understand cars and speed and how many cars and their direction. Crossing 84E wouldbe deadly to him. Besides, if he made out of 84E he surely wouldnt make out of 84W where he was heading...poor little thing, only a miracle could get him out of there in safety.



And in my way to work God spoke to me. He said: You are just like that little mouse, too small to see the size of evil and too simple to understand how many and how fast, uncapable of "making it" without my help, like a little mouse in a busy freeway.



I was deeply thankfull to God because He is my miracle. I realized on Jan 12 of 2010 that since only God can give me safety, why not rest in Him?



He is my only miracle, He will see me through deadly freeways of life and things bigger than I and much more complex than I am. He will hold my hand as we cross> Everything about Him is adorable to me.